I guess it's because I never really looked at it as relaxing and recreational. Summer to me has at least for the 18 years has meant full time work, extra long days, not enough rest, and no time to relax and sit around, always having something to take care of, or someone to entertain. Summer was always the dumps. I resented each and every person that got to have a real vacation let alone a couple of minutes to themselves during the day. My vacations consisted of worrying about having to work anyways because there was no one available to cover for me at work. Then, worrying because the person to cover might make more work for my co-workers. Then the huge amount of preparing for my time off at the center which was usually more work than anything. I also got to field parent complaints and collect for various center to-do lists during my time off. So basically my vacations were just time off from the center, not real vacations. After awhile, it felt like taking any time off at all was just not worth the stress.
Now that Summer is here again, I still get those feelings of dread, they are just there. It all comes back to me: having to get up at 5 am to prepare for a day where I won't get a break or see my home again until 7 pm. Then I laugh to myself..... I don't have to go anywhere or do anything I don't want to do. The most stressful things I have to do concern housecleaning and taking Ciaran to out to play. Not that those things are'nt troublesome at times but not as much as being responsible for so many and so much. I love my life now. I miss the challenges I faced when I was that grumpy Center Director, but I like that I am getting to know and love summer for the reasons so many other people rejoice over. That makes me feel a little more human. I guess I can thank my little son for that.
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