Dearest intoxicated fool trying to make your way through my front door at four in the morning,
Next time I won't just kick the door to keep you from coming in, I will kick you directly in the head. Then, I will kick you in other parts of your body which will lessen your chances of procreating. Finally, I will just randomly kick you everywhere until you wish you were never put upon this earth to be a drunk idiot in the first place. Also, whats with the knocking on the window and insisting that I let you in? What was that supposed to do? Was it supposed to scare me into opening the door and offering to make you a grilled cheese? You high? Oh yeah, I guess that was the problem in the first place. Next time you decide to "tie one on" with your little crowd of stupid people, maybe you should do it at your own home, so you don't lose your way. Dumbass.
(my adventure from this morning, the first night Ed decided to sleep through the night, and this is what I get to celebrate, yay me!)